A topic I have wanted to touch upon for a while is that of the feminine libido, or more specifically my libido since every woman is different. You’ll recall when I first began this blog I wrote about a desire to experience orgasm. I had never truly felt an orgasm, let alone squirting, so it became my mission to better understand my own body. That kicked off the mutual research my husband and I shared which I detail in how it all began. After 2+ years I feel now is a perfect time to revisit the subject of orgasm, squirting and libido in general because, well, I am excited to say I have experienced all of these things. Yes. Even squirting 😉 so stay tuned for that upcoming story.
Libido. What is it? Head to any text on sexuality and you’ll find varying definitions that all essentially say the same thing: it’s what turns us on, what makes us horny, the special check boxes that, when checked, get the heart racing and make the pussy wet. Sex drive. Sexual desire. Call it what you will, for me I have come to find it boils down to a few essential elements that work in a sort of sexual balance. PSA: Again, while this is my own personal reflection on my personal libido, I imagine a lot of what I am about to say holds true for many women. So readers take note, if there is difficulty in the bedroom it is NOT her fault. There is NOTHING wrong with her. There just may not be the requisite personal check boxes ticked for her libido to be engaged. Let’s go over these check boxes.
Physical attraction: this is the most obvious checkbox. Do I find the guy or girl attractive? I am very ‘sensually aware’. The visuals of a person, the cologne/perfume used, the way they sound, the feel of the body and proficiency in dance; these all come into play in my checkbox for physical attraction.
Mental attraction: One might immediately assume I am talking about stimulating, intelligent conversation when I say mental attraction is a necessary checkbox for me. While that is important, I am talking more about the way a guy makes me feel, beyond the sex. We have established that I identify as polyamorous, so I am typically looking for more than a fuck ‘em and forget ‘em scenario (Obviously there are outliers to this but that’s typically because I’m either incredibly physically turned on or excited by the situation). Mental attraction is my anchor. For an in depth review of what this looks like for me, consider reading ‘What I Look for in A Stallion’ and ‘Growing in Open Marriage’.
Situation: Think of this as the environment, the background of the story, the atmosphere. A great example of a situational check box might be my first story with Armando. Being pushed up against a wall and then passionately kissed. Check. Note that I was also physically attracted to Armando. Check, check. He did not necessarily provide me mental stimulation, so leave that one blank. But the situation and the physical attraction was enough to fire my blood and get me hot.
Consider the story with my ex-boyfriend. I was not physically and mentally attracted to him but that particular situation, the revisit to my past, was enough to provide sexual arousal. My latest story with Giovanni is a perfect example of all the boxes checked. I am physically attracted to him. He is my poly-boyfriend and excites my mind with his care and devotion to this relationship. And when he bent me over outdoors, my head was spinning from the thrill of it. Check check check.An undeniable factor to any relationship is time. To be honest, The Armando story has come to an end because I am no longer physically attracted to him and there’s no more situations to experience with him that will excite me. Of course, I gave him the opportunity, especially since he had been my first. But the sad truth is Armando never quite took the next steps to surprise me, excite me and keep my attention. Enter my perusal at AFF and the rest is history. Do I believe the same two people can check the boxes for each other for the rest of their lives? Of course. I don’t believe it’s common, hence the high rate of divorce, but I absolutely believe it’s possible. And if those two individuals truly, ‘mutually’ enjoy traditional monogamy, then I support them the same way I would support a couple who chose swinging, or long-term co-habitation, or polyamory.
My stag and I share a beautiful, unique take on open marriage. It’s something that has brought us closer than I could have ever imagined and awakened my libido. My advice to the women out there who are struggling with sexual desire, consider the checkboxes. What are they for you? Have a good, honest internal review of the things that excite you. Have a conversation with your significant other. I’ve found to help this part of the process, many women will refer to my blog to help explain things. Feel free to do that and contact me. I think the biggest message, here, is that you are not alone and your body is not broken. You just may need to reevaluate your checkboxes.
Guys, the biggest message for you is to encourage her to explore her sexuality because it is incredibly unique to each person. Unlike men who just need to worry about how to get the blood flowing to the dick, a woman’s sex drive has a lot more facets. She needs to feel mentally and physically turned on.
To recap: personally, I have discovered that my body responds to physical, mental and situational stimuli. These are the checkboxes of my libido. Obviously these are broad and not all-inclusive. There are certainly other dynamics out there that will excite my desire and even considerations I haven’t discovered yet that may become additional checkboxes. Fundamentally, these are three important facets I have discovered about my libido. I’m definitely excited to learn and experience more and to share with you my erotic journey 
.