(Note: Affiliate links included.)
If you’ll recall from my last story, I had finally met my match (both figuratively and literally thanks to Okcupid). A true polyamorous relationship is something I had been looking to find for a while. Yes, my Italian Stallion gave me elements of the love I was seeking but it was not with the foundation of maturity I found in Ryan. Put simply, he got it. When we communicated, there was a sincere excitement in each other beyond the sex (though that was good too). We matched intellectually, with a sincere respect of the other’s expertise, knowledge and history. Emotionally, there was an investment of care beyond just being friends. We wanted to know each other at a deeper level. And, of course, there was our physical match. He was well-muscled, tall, ruggedly attractive; with sharp, intelligent eyes. I fit well in his arms and in many other positions, as well 
.
Ryan was a fascinating man with some interesting quirks. He liked his solitude. He was outdoorsy and his home life reflected this, as I was soon to find out. He invited me to stay with him for a few days. It was a new step into the open lifestyle for me because while I did technically have a stallion stay with me for a period of time, I had never stayed at a stallion’s house. It was a nice change of pace to finally be the one taken care of. I made sure my safety strategies were in place and accepted his invitation.
I won’t go into too much detail regarding his personal life and living situation but suffice it to say, Ryan did well for himself. His proclivity for sustainment reflected in his home aesthetics. It was a welcome escape from the rush and busyness of city life. We cohabitated well for the brief time I was there; that mutual respect and interest and physical connection playing a comfortable backdrop to the visit. He would leave to get some projects done and I would putter and work through my own assignments. In terms of a healthy, in-person poly relationship, we easily fell into a mutually natural rhythm.
And the sex.
The sex was good.
Nights lying in his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, lips pressed together, tongues exploring, our hips gliding together beneath the sheets. Or the moments in his hot tub, my legs straddling him as he sank his cock deep inside of me, gripping my back to hold me as I arched to take the fullness of his shaft. There were times we fucked for the primal sake of fucking. He would hold me down and pump his cum into my pussy which I eagerly accepted. Other times we would make love, relishing the sweet sensuality we shared. My favorite was the tantric massage he gave me with candles and music. My connection with Ryan felt more real than anything I had felt in a very long time. An unspoken intent to please the other, to seek out the wants and needs and fantasies and become each other’s fulfillment.
If this sounds like the perfect fantastical relationship, I can assure you it didn’t come without a lot of honest communication. Because one other thing Ryan and I shared at the very beginning of our match was a sincere pursuit of the topic of polyamory. Up to this point, I had done some research and internal exploration to figure out what polyamory meant to me. Ryan introduced a new perspective and one he swore by in the book, “Polysecure”, by Jessica Fern. While I didn’t necessarily agree with everything I found, it did help confirm and put into words a lot of what I had been considering. For Ryan, it was a sort of Poly-Bible that provided not only a framework but also tracks upon which the complex, highly nuanced subject could be traveled. We had a lot of good conversations centered around the book and I am glad I read it because much of Ryan’s poly-centric language came from Jessica Fern’s pages.
Much of Fern’s writing addresses the concept of “attachment theory”, which is the focus on relationships between people. Traditional monogamy asserts that one person can securely fulfill all the needs and wants of another person. Traditional marriage asserts one spouse should securely fulfill those needs and wants “until death do part”. Fern asserts that what we view as traditionally secure doesn’t necessarily need to be fulfilled by one person (Fern, 2020). Furthermore, she argues that for the majority of relationships, it is nearly impossible for two people to find complete fulfillment in each other. So, compromise happens. The ease of a secure relationship outweighs the need for complete fulfillment. And that’s fine for some. For the rest (over 50% divorced in the United States), the compromise becomes too great and the search for another more comparable “secure” relationship starts again.
Checkboxes. We all have them. Ryan fulfilled a majority of mine. And the more checkboxes he consistently checked over time, the closer my emotional attachment to him grew.
By the time I left his house, I’m not afraid to admit we were both dreaming up ways for me and my family to move closer. My stag didn’t mind. He loved that I felt so loved. And that’s an important point I need to make. Fundamentally, Polyamory is about opening up to the potential to love more than one person (Fern, 2020). More than sex, it’s about the commitment to developing multiple secure attachments. Fern gives an incredibly natural, logical example: there is nothing unnatural about having multiple relationships. We can have attachments to multiple children; we can have many best friends (Fern, 2020). The only difference in a polyamorous attachment is the inclusion of sex and romance, two concepts we give too much power and control in a relationship; so much so, they have become leading causes of divorce in America.
Ryan and I found our connection and built a secure attachment from our shared checkboxes, all with the love and support of my stag. I was ready to give Ryan my undivided attention, to make him my exclusive stallion, to show him the love of a sole commitment.
Stay tuned! Because in my next story I will share with you some surprising twists and turns you have to read to believe…