(This post contains affiliate links.)
I get asked a lot about books and things that helped shape my view of open marriage. Although this post doesn’t necessarily have the sexy times, I felt “The Ethical Slut” was a great read that reaffirmed how I feel about how my stag and I do marriage. I’ve referenced Jessica Fern’s Polysecure in a few past stories and while I certainly respect her opinion and approach to polyamory, the broad strokes of her thoughts can sometimes lose the topic. If there’s one thing you have likely noticed in the years I’ve been writing, it’s that I will always give my honest, straight-forward perspective on the ethics of open marriage…and also share with you the fun times 😘. I believe that is why Easton and Hardy’s Ethical Slut resonated so much with me.
Like my blog, Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy both live polyamorous lifestyles and share their experiences. The opening of The Ethical Slut deconstructs the various relationship types we commonly see in the open community and reveals both commonalities and distinctions. I found it insightful to read the varied ways people can approach relationships and ensure health, safety and respect. There are a lot of labels out there to capture different flavors of being open. From swinging to poly couples to hotwives and vixens: we all have our unique reasons for identifying as such and we all have stories. I just happen to enjoy journaling mine and sharing with you.
Easton and Hardy explore the practice of what it means to be an ethical slut in the dating environment. I can certainly relate, having explored many of these concepts, myself, in past posts. Much of what they write about regarding meeting people falls right in line with what I shared in informational posts like my Okcupid review and Adventures in Adult Friend Finder. Ethical nonmonogamy empowers the individual. It naturally elevates self-confidence by opening the door once again to romantic and sexual connections. It encourages self-improvement and empowers self-confidence. There’s nothing quite like having a man press you up against a wall at a club or getting that second chance with a past boyfriend.
Part Three of the book navigates some of the more difficult concepts like jealous and conflict. I’ve never been afraid to share the challenges right along with the fun and benefits. At the end of the day, open marriage is about people and relationships and neither of those are perfect. So we learn and grow and be mindful of the personal strategies to defy the spiral. You’ll notice throughout my stories, there is a consistent theme of intentional positivity. Instead of running from the potential of conflict, it’s important to embrace the hills and valleys of relationships and look for the positives.
Lastly, the book explores the establishment of permanent connections with multiple partners. This is the next chapter of my own open marriage journey I would love to one day explore and share with you! The foundation of the idea ultimately boils down to maturity and respect. Those ideas feed all the other requisite branches of a successful open relationship: communication, understanding, the choice to demonstrate love on a consistent basis.
The true Ethical Slut is a rare and beautiful personality, who loves deeply and is not afraid to extend that love to others. She supports, values, and uplifts. She navigates heartache and learns from it, instead of allowing it to break her. Her experiences give her wisdom. Every new relationship is a new story to be treasured (and maybe even shared with the world).
I thoroughly enjoyed reading through The Ethical Slut and discovering all the ways those ideas were present in my open marriage with my stag! The authors’ have a down to earth approach to the topic and I would definitively recommend. If you’ve read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts or if you decide to pick up a copy, tell me what sparked your interest!