He was a contact I had made from overseas. We worked in the same industry so there were a few connections that piqued my interest. I also liked the way he bantered. Nick was fun and playful and soon the playfulness evolved into something more flirty. I was enjoying our dynamic, the organic growth of this particular relationship. The only problem? We were quite literally on separate continents. Sexting helped. I enjoy a guy who knows how to use the medium and excite my mind.
You’ll recall a woman’s libido is more than than physical, so there are times sexting really works. There are also times a vixen wants more. I wouldn’t say my connection with Nick was at the level of Armando or Giovanni but there was certainly a piqued interest to experience Nick in the flesh. By now you know, dear readers, what a vixen wants, she usually gets.
He texted to let me know he was flying into the states and just so happened to be landing near my location. Now, I’m not one to go out of my way for a story. The best ones often happen organically, anyway, so I don’t need to force things. That said, I also don’t mind the occasional drive, especially for a guy like Nick who had built rapport over chat. We set a date and a time. I’d meet him at his hotel, near the airport.
Let’s pause for a moment and talk about sex. You’ll recall, I called it an art. There are so many facets that go into making sex a mind-blowing experience. And I’m here to tell you that most everything you see in porn is absolutely NOT part of the equation. What follows it a masterclass in how porn is not real life.
I get to the hotel. Nick opens the door. He’s fairly handsome. Well built. Shorter than I expected. No matter. As long as that cock works. He pulls me inside the room. There’s an immediate kind of desperation to the moment. For him. Remember, this is the first time we ever met in person and rather than easing into things and letting the moment grow, it’s like some wild attempt at reckless abandon. He has me pushed against a wall. His tongue is down my throat and his hand is on my neck. I wouldn’t care necessarily, if maybe we had taken some opportunity to ease into the physical connection a bit more. Remember, the feminine libido requires a broader context. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was something familiar about this encounter.
Now, you should all know by now, I’m no push-over when it comes to the bedroom. I can roll with anything and do in fact enjoy a bit of surprise. But only when I feel comfortable with the guy. With Nick, there was no build, no foreplay, no rhythm. I arrived and there was obviously a disconnect regarding what my presence meant. I am no booty call and therein lies today’s lesson: remember that familiarity I mentioned? It clicked after we finished fucking on the bed. The entire encounter felt like a scene torn straight from today’s porn.
Now, I’m not here to preach against porn. I feel it absolutely has a place in a person/couple’s sex life. There’s a lot practicality to learn from porn. A couple things that definitely do not work are the unrealistic expectations of how sex builds and what constitutes acceptable practice in the bedroom.
Today’s porn glorifies the moment. There is zero context besides a flimsy setup and then thirty minutes of banging it out. Again, it’s not bad for learning positions but what porn does is create a fantasy around everything else. The scene essentially opens on a woman and man ready to fuck. There are limited clues regarding if and how the woman’s libido was engaged. Foreplay is typically relegated to a few minutes of intense kissing and touching. What we don’t see is the romance and sensuality that led to the sex.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say these types of scenes are typically consumed by the male viewer. If that’s the case, then it makes sense how men might become conditioned to certain expectations promoted in the content likely built for them. Let’s consider Nick. Many of the well-known porn tropes were present in the encounter: an absence of building foreplay, a lack of sensuality, an aggressive approach right out the gate. I like a dominant man in the bedroom but, understand, it takes a very mature and balanced personality (not to mention earned trust) to achieve sexy dominance. Grabbing a girl by the throat in the first encounter is not sexy. It’s unnerving and intimidating. When you don’t know the girl, get consent.
Now, make no mistake, I do not believe Nick was an asshole. That evening, however, it was evident he felt he was doing all the right things to promote a mutual enjoyment of the night. The only problem was Nick’s instincts were likely influenced by the unrealistic expectations of porn. Remember, besides consent, be mindful of the very real differences between fantasy and reality in the bedroom. Enjoy porn. Learn from it. But do not mistake it for real life.
My time with Nick was decidedly “meh” which is why I don’t have many exciting details to share. To be fair, he was also ridiculously jet-lagged and exhausted from a trans-continental flight, so that may have contributed to some of the performance issues. I did give him a second shot another time he flew to my location but it was my turn to be exhausted. Sometimes it’s good to let your sexting partners remain virtual.
Not to worry! While this story may be a cautionary tale of what not to do, my next story is all about a guy who did everything right, so stay tuned!