A question that comes up a lot, and understandably so, is the question of love in an open marriage. How can I have relationships with other men and not fall in love? How do I protect the love I have with my stag? What if I love one more than another? What if a stallion falls in love with me?
For me, these questions boil down to one simple thing: interpretation.
Watch any movie or play, read books or poetry, listen to music; ‘love’ is usually present, if not the entire theme or focus. All throughout history, we have been conditioned by Shakespeare or through Disney to accept the ‘mystique’ of love. Like it is some sort of magical force that compels us. Love is sexy. It is also a great and universal label to slap on anything meaningful in life and relationships. But I personally believe we give the mysterious idea of love way too much power over us.
Love is not an uncontrolled free-fall. We do not fall in or out of anything because…
Love is an action.
It is something we do and show and commit to, daily.
Because love is a conscious decision we make…or don’t.
I believe there are many different types of love: familial love, romantic love, sexual love, etc. I choose to show these types of love. I may send my stallion something sweet and romantic over text to show him my love. In bed, obviously we share a sexual love, together. There is no mystery to it. I am not afraid of it and have no problem telling a stallion I love him, because I am simply verbalizing my commitment to showing him love, whatever type we happen to share.
Now, for all the hopeless romantics out there wringing their hands at my blasphemy, let me make it clear; I very much believe in what you believe. I just define it differently. What you call ‘the mystery of love’, I call ‘the mystery of connection’. How is it some men make my stomach drop when we dance? And others who are equally good (and maybe even better looking) do nothing for me? I have no idea. And therein lies the mystery of connection.
It is a certain, specific connection with that one individual. And the beauty of my open marriage is I am able to explore these connections to the fullest. In that way, I consider myself polyamorous. I am free to openly show and express my love to other men without it affecting my marriage. Because my husband respects and supports my connections.
Which brings me to my last point.
I love my stag. Our number one rule and commitment to each other when open marriage became a reality was not to place rules on feelings of love but to reassert our commitment to each other, to this union of ours, to marriage. It is a wonderful and unique type of love that is unlike any of my other relationships.